Mourning to Dancing

I found this photo today of Grandma, my mother and aunt. My mom is the one I look just like and my aunt is the one who looks just like her mother.

Last night I was completely out of sorts worried about things that could be out of my control. Coleman and I prayed hard last night, and we really tried to be bold and free in our requests. He kept telling me I needed to have faith and I laid on the couch in the dark trying not to let him know I was crying...again. I've just become a perpetual faucet. The latest song line that keeps coming to me is Sheryl Crow's "I can't cry anymore..."

We asked God to give us some time before we had to go to the hospital. Time for Coleman to continue to make the progress he's making at home. Time to gain some clarity back which might help him overcome his fear of docs and outsiders and time to gain some strength which just might allow him to be touched and moved better than he can now. Even a couple days time for Coleman to be better ready to have the blood drawn.

I woke up early again and decided I needed to make a plan and I needed to do it without fear. This morning I was looking in the book of wisdom and reading about Nehemiah rebuilding the temple, blah, blah, blah nothing that applied to me, then I read the sentence for thought that is always at the end of each section,

Follow Nehemiah's example today. Before you make any plans, before you work to fix some problem, talk it over with God. Once you get started keep praying."

So if you had peeked in our windows today you would have seen me in the kitchen mixing meds and loading the dishwasher talking to seemingly no one, just the way you would do if you were conferring with a co-worker. I caught myself doing that a couple times. Now don't get me wrong my stomach was in such knots all day that each time the phone rang I literally felt like I was pregnant again and one of those boys was flipping around inside.

When our PCP called I was totally clammy like I was getting ready to get the "Dear Jane" call from someone I really liked. In short, he called to tell us that the neurologist who needs to coordinate this is booked up for a couple of weeks and that he was getting a list of labs from her and from the rheumatologist, which meant we needed to hold off on the in-home blood draw for a couple days. So my mourning turned to dancing. We know there are going to be more challenges and bumps in the road, but tonight is about celebrating.

I want to say that we know Coleman needs some serious neurological attention and invasive tests in order to get him back on his feet again (unless God has other plans). It's just that after what we have been through with hospitals, I want Coleman to be as physically and mentally ready as possible because it's true, you can't treat a child you can't touch.

Today Coleman ate three full meals - (thanks to RaRa for making the McDonald's craving run today and to Murph for dinner) and he has more body movement in the bed today. He is still very nauseous even if you just bump the bed, but far less gagging. We also had good conversations today and he was much more clear headed when we discussed things. He reminded me that God gave us what we asked for and more. He is such a young man of faith. I have so much to learn from him.

The man we have been working with on bioenergetic screening is in Texas this week so our hope is to get Spencer screened next week when he's back. Spencer still has not drawn or written in over a week now and although he has much more of an appetite, goes to bed each night with a bad stomach. Other than that, he looks like he's just fine, but he tells us he can't read either and when Spencer doesn't draw for a week, there is something not right. He is already on a mild detox 3 times a day to start to clear his system.

So tonight we all feel like such a weight was lifted and that God still has his hand in it. So if you're reading this and you don't believe in God hopefully one day you'll have a chance to meet Coleman and let him tell you all the reasons he does, more than ever. Or if you're making some big plans that effect someone you love and need to bounce them off someone, try talking to God, I promise not to laugh if I look in your window.