When Bad Things Happen

It would be hard for me to count how many people have asked the question, "How could God let this happen?" In the beginning of this illness, back in December I would get emotional and really scared. Coleman was always the one to say that God had a plan for this. Well, 16 weeks later, he doesn't say that anymore and it could make us wonder, where is God?

The answer is, He's with us, in the good times and the lousy ones.

This past summer we were shooting some footage at the Visual Arts Center and I was watching a young girl weave. It was cool to watch how there were vertical lines of fabric that are evenly spaced and then the girl would thread the string of fabric horizontally over and under each of the vertical lines. Once she was done weaving the string, she would bang this wood piece down hard against it and it would become part of the tapestry. The thing that struck me was when she wove this one piece of dark, spindly fabric in and I thought it would clash and stick out like a sore thumb. Ironically though, once she pushed it into the tapestry, it looked good, actually gave it more depth of color.

The fabric of life must be like that too. Without the dark, spindly times, we could never appreciate the good ones, we would have no real definition of what "good" really is and once we go through the tough times, maybe we will have a deeper understanding of what life is really made of.

Seeking God does not mean we won't have bad times and yesterday Coleman and I talked about how we are not alone in these times and that God suffers with us. Even when he's not too sure of anything else, he is sure we don't do this alone and that there will come a day when we will better understand.

About 13 years ago, I spent a couple years sick with something no one could initially diagnose. I went from doctor to doctor, had an unnecessary surgery, hit a lot of dead ends, and was told I probably wouldn't have children. Before we got the answers and a return to health, I spent a lot of rough nights wondering why. It occurred to me the other day when we were going from doc to doc and hitting dead ends, wanting to throw our hands up in the air, that 13 years later I had my answer why. All of that trial was just a warm up for this. If I hadn't gone through that, I probably would have been overwhelmed by this.

I told Coleman that one day this dark, spindly fabric in the tapestry of his life would make sense and make him stronger.

Today is our last day of waiting for answers...at least hopefully. Coleman is holding his own and Spen is spending some time with his grandparents. Tomorrow at 11:00, I'll be talking with the doctor...still holding my breath.

Remember my motto- Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and trust God for the victory?

Today I read this from Lamentations:

When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions.
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard.
in throwing roadblocks in the way.


Here's to working through the roadblocks!