Coming Together

I'm still running around the house sometimes perfectly on task and sometimes just staring at the empty suitcases trying to figure out how "little" to pack. The last two days have brought many answers to a list of questions.

Our flight is now confirmed for Monday the 17th at 10:00 AM out of Chesterfield. Thanks to my brother's friend, whom I may never meet, and Jay's diligent work, we have a private plane that will get Coleman, Jeff and me to Kansas City. This is such a key factor in getting Coleman well. This clinic is far away and the biggest part of the early battle is just getting him there.

I just got off the phone with our doc, deciding on the safest but most beneficial sedative for Coleman to take to get him asleep for the flight. Otherwise, I think the noise will do him in. We are going to do at least two trial runs this week to see just how deeply he will sleep.

I am constantly on the phone with the insurance company trying to do whatever precertification is possible. Inevitably, I will be writing letters and making calls for a good couple of years...of that, I am certain.

Our apartment arrangements are settled - thanks to the R family and Frank! At least 15 times a day, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach, it's a bit like fear and anticipation mixed...you know that feeling when the roller coaster is clicking up the big hill and your senses heighten one by one. There is a dash of, "I should not have gotten on this ride," with a teaspoon of "just get down the hill already." Then I get off the ride and give it back to God - there are just so many signs that this is the right direction for us. I don't think it will be easy. Just the twice daily clinic schedule will wear on Coleman, the new faces, the public situations, the noise of the neighborhood, the noise of the car, the surgical insertion of the porta cath - all work, but hopefully work that will have rewards.

We have a 3 hour appointment with Dr. R the day after we arrive. You can imagine the questions I have for her and probably she for me. I have filled out 10 pages of info for the clinic and hope to pick up films and x-rays to take with me - well armed.

Coleman is doing as well as I could expect and perhaps even better. He has been undergoing some therapy for the last 6 or so days that is making a difference. We have hopes that it will make this travel and healing easier. Because it is designed for healing, there is a fair amount of die-off or occasional Herx effect. This is a true sign that toxins are leaving his body. Maybe this is one of the reasons we have had this time to wait before we leave...

There seems to be so much more to say, but for now, I need to hop back on the phone and continue to circle the suitcases like a vulture. Maybe this time I'll drop something in them.

An inadequate but heartfelt word of thanks to the wonderful web of people holding us up in prayer and support. Thanks to grammy Suz for donating your flyer miles to the boys so Spen can come out west for his birthday, to my Scotland family Pat and Johnny for the gift on the doorstep (thanks to Kathy the courier too) - I'll wrap Coleman in it until he remembers his time in Scotland, to our neighbors the Pullers for your unexpected generosity, my dear Gumbie for the loot, to Val for being Spen's neighborhood Mom, to Marna and Jody for carrying on with our business efforts without me...and in spite of me, to Lisa in KC, who would have known when we were sitting in high school together all those years ago, that you would come to my rescue in KC one day, to my thoughtful friends pulling strings everywhere that I can not see but will feel the effects of when the time is right, for your emails and texts that hit just when I can use them. And to anyone else I have forgotten, you are appreciated and I will say thanks when you come to mind...often.

A note to all the caregivers - those who spend their lives, actually those who dedicate their lives to caring full time for someone they love. I have learned how draining, how trying, how refining it can be and I send you this reading from the good book. I hope it lifts your spirits like it lifted mine:

..If you help, just help, don't take over
if you teach, stick to your teaching
if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy,
if you're put in charge, don't manipulate
if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond
if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them.
KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.

I read that one morning when forcing a smile required a crane and a surgical procedure. I forced many that day, I looked right in Coleman's eyes and smiled - I felt my love for him just pour out of me. We locked eyes for a while and he smiled just a bit and then looked slightly confused and asked, "why are you making that face?"...as Spen would say....he schooled me.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)